this and that

there are two of me, especially today.
i found this email today that i wrote on wednesday june 28, 2006.

today i hung thirty pictures on the wall. they are of children, of legs, of old men, of a woman bending over in the grass. i have also been drinking a lot of cherry seltzer. i am trying to make myself feel better. i think it's working.
i was reading an old journal of mine today where i wrote about turgenev and his iced water.
do you remember?
it was so beautiful.
i miss our correspondence. please write to me again. tell me about your eggplants.
i will always remember (as we remember things we've never witnessed) you in your garden. i can also remember you eating dinner at a round table, washing a plate, wearing pajamas, picking a raspberry, laughing, stamping an envelope, and touching the side of your face when you read.
i miss our language.

it was a nice thing to discover.
sometimes i feel like i am being myself in one way at the expense of all the other ways.
so here i am, fractured.